I know this is a typical situation that every single girl will face. We fell in love with the wrong man and think he is the right person for us. So, I have been seeing this ang moh for more than a year now. I used the term 'seeing' as we were enjoying each others company. We spent a lot of times together. Countless hours. Went out with him three to four times in a week and every time we go out or just hang out at his place, it will definitely be more than five hours. LOL! I don't even understand why I need to give such a detail explanation of my situation!
We both share the same interests including cats, food and we enjoyed great deep conversations together. The problem with this situation is that I now know that it is an 'unrequited love' or according to the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind" or I can say one-sided love (I shall elaborate more in my next posting).
I felt like my world is crumbling down on me when he texted me this evening saying that things will never be the same and he doesn't feel the same. Wow! I felt like I am a useless person. Undeserving to be loved. Although I know I have a big heart (I do and I continue to love others no matter how much I've been hurt). I am in a fragile moment. Where I felt like I will never find love or any men that can make me happy like he did. But then whispered to my self. "You will find someone better, someone, who will love you unconditionally, who will protect you from harm, who will always be there for you especially when you needed him the most."
I know it may seem unrealistic. If only such man exists and how lucky and fortunate I am to find him and better to be with him! All I can do now is just wish. Actually, I have been thinking that I want to further my studies. Since I am freelancing and have no permanent job. I do feel like I need to do some soul searching. Have any of you felt the same? Move to a different country where people don't speak my language and start fresh! Maybe I watched too many sappy movies. EAT PRAY LOVE that sort of shit! haha..it's a good book and movie though!
Ever since I started freelancing, three months to be exact! I have so much free time for myself. The problem here is that I depend on him to make me fill up my time. What I should have done is that I should take up classes to upgrade my skills, such as learn to play musical instruments, learn how to cook, or maybe learn how to paint (well I have always been passionate about paintings) or maybe go for some fitness classes or swimming classes.
Wow, I feel better already after venting my feelings in this posting.
Will write again soon!
Til I see you again.
With love,
Pisces girl.
